


It's an Instinct (A Feeling)

by greyone01



Series: Damerey Week 2019 [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, DameRey, Damerey Endgame, Damerey Week 2019, F/M, First Kiss, I Will Go Down With This Ship, JediPilot, Post Episode IX Speculation, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 13:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21198302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyone01/pseuds/greyone01
Summary: The war had given Rey a family she thought she would never find. Victory, ironically, snatched that away from her.





	It's an Instinct (A Feeling)

**Author's Note:**

> Damerey Week 2019: Day 5 - I know
> 
> Title from Poe Dameron's words/voice-over in the Episode IX trailer.

With the First Order’s fall a fortnight ago, the busy Resistance base underwent a quick transformation to what was now a decidedly hauntingly quiet hulking concrete structure. It seemed that everyone couldn’t wait to move on to the lives they’ve always dreamt of, packing up and setting off to whatever corner of the galaxy they wanted to start the new chapter of their lives. That is, everyone but Rey, who now found herself in her sonic fresher, trying to rid herself of the dirt and grime from her extended stay in the woodlands just outside the base.

Truth was, Rey had not expected to live to experience this. She always thought that she would be giving it her all when it came to it in the battlefield, and she was ready to give up everything for the cause, her life included. She honestly thought she would perish, and had only hoped that her sacrifice and the sacrifices of all the other fallen Resistance fighters, would propel those who lived to victory. She had not allowed herself to dream beyond that, which was now why she found herself feeling lost. After the war ended, Rey couldn’t deny that she felt more lost that she’d ever been. At least when she was in Jakku, she was driven by that hope that her parents, her family, would one day come back for her. Now, all she had was a future promised with nothingness.

The war had given her a family she thought she would never find. Victory, ironically, snatched that away from her. Everyone had some sort of a plan, and none of those included her. Finn and Rose were going to start anew in Rose’s home planet, which was at the opposite end of the galaxy. While both, and especially Finn, had been very insistent in wanting her to go with them, Rey knew that going with them was not her path. It was only after she promised to stay in touch and visit that Finn gave up trying to convince her. Leia Organa was determined to make the most of the second chance she was given with her estranged son, the general vowing to be at Ben Solo’s side as he begins his painful journey of taking up responsibility for the war crimes he committed. Chewbacca had decided that he and the Falcon will be staying on with Lando Calrissian, the only other person apart from Han Solo, who had extensive history with the freighter. It seemed fitting that the Falcon was returned to the man who never wanted to give her up in the first place. 

Even Black Squadron, who Rey never thought would disband, were all going their separate ways. Snap Wexley and Kare Kun, who got married during the war, were going for their own peaceful spot in the galaxy to start a family. Jessika Pava and Suralinda Javos had been vague about where they would be going, but it was clear that whatever they had planned, they were in it together.

Then there was Black Leader Poe Dameron. There was a time when Rey thought her future was with Poe, who’d become one of her closest friends. During the war, they’d had more than one conversation about how Poe would go back to Yavin IV, where his father still lived, and Rey was going to go with him to see the Force Tree that he grew up with. Poe had even half-joked about how Kes Dameron would no doubt take Rey on as his daughter, the implied message behind his words not going unnoticed by either of them. 

“I’d like that, flyboy,” Rey had replied shyly then, and Poe’s eyes lit up with her words. She could still remember how she thought then that it was the happiest she’d seen him, but she couldn’t stop herself then from reminding him of the truth. “But we’d have to survive this war first.”

“Then let’s make sure that we do,” Poe had said with conviction. He held out his hand to her then, palm up. Their fingers entwined when Rey laid her hand on his, sealing their pact, Rey had felt a warmth engulf her, unlike anything she’d ever felt before.

They did survive the war. However, the unexpected turn of events at the eleventh hour led to them abandoning their pact. Zorii Bliss, an unexpected ally and hero to the Resistance, all but destroyed whatever hope Rey had of having a future with Poe. Long before their fateful encounter with the purple-clad woman in Kijimi, Poe had told Rey of the girl who got away, the sweetheart he had to part with when he decided to go back to the New Republic Navy. It had been a mutual agreement to go their separate ways, Poe said, him not wanting to abandon his dreams and her not abandoning hers. While he admitted that what he felt for that girl back then was puppy love, he couldn’t deny that over the years, thinking of what could have been had been the main reason why he had not engaged in any serious relationship, at least not until Rey came along. With Rey, he was finally abandoning all of that, and they had been slowly moving on with their developing relationship, even having something good established between them when they went to Kijimi. 

When Rey discovered that Zorii Bliss was that girl in Poe’s past, she knew she had to let the pilot make his choice. She wasn’t blind to the tension between Poe and Zorii, and at the same time, she felt a different kind of tension between Poe and herself. Poe had repeatedly reassured her that he will not leave her, and Rey believed him – she knew he would stay if she asked him to. Rey also knew how he wanted to but never had the chance to pursue something with the spice runner. She then realized that making him to stay with her could very well be the destruction of their relationship, just as surely as him choosing to go with Zorii Bliss would. So, in their first real conversation after the war, Rey made clear that she doesn’t want him staying with her because he felt duty-bound to do so; he stays only if he’s perfectly certain that he wanted to, and that what was between him and Zorii Bliss was over. Rey felt her whole world shatter when he confessed he had been wondering if this was the second chance he always had been wishing for, and he couldn’t honestly say that he was willing to let go of that.

It all became overwhelming, on the days leading up to their departure. Rey found herself unable to stand it any longer, and after brief but heartfelt farewells to her friends, she left without telling anyone where she will be going. She skipped saying good-bye to Poe altogether, for fear that she might break her resolve and end up begging him to stay. For days she wandered aimlessly in the woodlands, willing herself to get used to having to live on her own again. Eventually, her wandering took her back to the periphery of the base, now ghostly quiet. She prowled through the corridors without encountering anyone, and when she came to her old quarters, a quick look around told her that most of her meager belongings had remained as she left them. As she was getting her things from the fresher, she realized the sonic was still working, and she couldn’t resist one last sonic shower, which to her was the most luxurious thing in her time on base. 

Feeling clean and more human once more, she gave her room one last look and left with a small satchel that contained all of her things. She found herself walking to the hangar, and, to her astonishment, saw the Millenium Falcon still docked in her usual spot. She couldn’t suppress a smile when she saw Chewbacca walk down the boarding ramp, and she rushed to greet her old friend.

The Wookie wrapped her in a hug, before complaining to her that their departure had been delayed by a problem in the rear cargo hold. Lando had gone to the communications room to try to contact someone who can help them. Rey grinned at the Wookie, her first real smile in days. “I’ll see what I can do, Chewie.”

The smile slipped off her face the moment she entered the ship. A barrage of memories hit her, reminding her once again of the life she once had. Despite her promise to the Wookie to check out the problem in the rear cargo hold, she found herself walking to the opposite side of the ship, where the cockpit was. She took her time taking in the familiar set up, remembering how her dreams of flying came true on this ship. Silently, she vowed that she will fly again, wherever she ends up in the galaxy.

She didn’t realize tears had started to fall, as she stood in the empty cockpit. Hastily wiping them away with the back of her hand, she continued her walk through the ship, visiting every nook and cranny, intentionally avoiding the rear cargo hold. The tears were flowing freely now, but she didn’t even bother wiping them off now. She realized going on her own was going to be harder than she thought it would be, but she was not ready to impose herself on any of her friends at the moment. Maybe, if and when she finally felt ready to do so, she could ask Lando if he had a place for her in his ship.

With that thought, she finally decided to check out the problem at the back. She unceremoniously entered the rear cargo hold, stopping abruptly at her tracks when she felt a presence in the small cramped area. Her head whipped to her left, where her senses told her where he was. 

“Rey?” Poe exclaimed in disbelief before she could utter a word. He was slumped on the floor, elbows resting on his drawn up knees. 

“What are you doing here?” Rey asked in a broken voice, emotional from her tour around the ship and the shock of finding him there.

“I couldn’t go with her,” Poe admitted. “I thought I wanted to, that I needed to, but when we were just about ready to go, something happened between us.”

Rey sighed resignedly. “I don’t think I really want to know where you’re going with this.”

“I was hoping you might,” Poe said in the same dejected tone. “Because I realized when I was kissing her…”

“Stop, Poe,” Rey held her hand up. “I get it. She’s the one you’ve been waiting for, and you don’t have to thank me for letting you go.”

Poe was looking at her as if he was in physical agony. “No. You don’t get it. Please, Rey, can you just hear me out?”

Rey knew she should just leave now, and not let him trample all over her already broken heart. Against her better judgment, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited for him to continue. She looked at him stonily, not caring how she must’ve looked like with her eyes red and her cheeks still wet from her tears.

Poe pushed himself off the floor, but did not make any attempt to move closer to her. “I realized I was making a mistake,” he confessed. “It was all in my head – Zorii, a second chance with her, what I felt for her. I thought I still felt for her what I felt back then, but I felt nothing while we kissed and held each other. Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Rey whispered, her heart starting to hammer in her chest. She looked at him without attempting to hide the vulnerability she was feeling. 

Poe nodded, wincing upon seeing the pain he caused her. “I’ve never been more sure. It was the notion of having found a love that I thought I lost that got me confused and it’s been so long since I have been with her, that I wasn’t even clear about how I really felt about her then and now. The more time I spent with Zorii, the more I realized that what I felt for her then was shallow and immature. It felt wonderful then, even real, and I thought I just buried those feelings during these years, that they will come back again if we get together. But I felt nothing, kissing her and holding her was like being with a stranger, not the lost love I thought she was. It's made me realize that it was never love in the first place, because you made me feel what love was like. What I thought I felt for her then was nothing compared to what I feel about you. Stars, Rey, I haven’t even kissed you, but I’ve already felt more with just being with you, I know that now. I was a fool, giving up something real for the ghost of a feeling in my head. What you and I had was real.”

His words were buoying her hopes, but she couldn’t help but pick up his use of the past tense. “Had?”

“I know I probably ruined everything between us with what I’ve done,” Poe stated defeatedly. “I’ll walk away if you want me to, if you don’t want me back. I’ll go, but not to be with her.” 

Rey found herself taking a step closer, if only to look more closely in his eyes. She heard his sincerity, but the hurt made her want to see it, too. It only took a moment to find what she was looking for, Poe’s eyes baring everything he felt. Unable to hold back any longer, she closed the distance between them and threw herself in his waiting arms. She felt him choke back a sob as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as if his life depended on it.

The smell of him, the feel of him holding her – she did not know if she will cry or laugh or simply pass out. How did it come to this, how could she let someone have such an effect on her? When she finally had the strength to pull back and look at him, the way he looked at her gave her the answers. Poe Dameron looked at her as if she was all that mattered to him, as if she was all he ever wanted. There was a certain rawness in his gaze that dispelled all doubts about his feelings for her. She believed him. Her eyes fluttered close as they kissed for the first time, igniting in her feelings she never even knew existed. 

“How did you know I was coming back?” Rey asked breathlessly when they finally came up for air. “I didn’t even know I was going to come back.”

“I didn’t,” Poe murmured, his lips ghosting over hers, kissing her once more before pulling back with a wry smile. “All I knew was that I couldn’t leave, not with her, not with anyone. Something in me was telling me to stay, and I was going to. Why else would Chewie and Lando be stuck here?”

“Chewie said there was a problem in the rear cargo – wait, YOU were the problem,” Rey’s eyes widened with realization. 

“Guilty as charged,” Poe remarked. Keeping an arm around her, his other hand went to caress her tear-stained cheek. “Lando promised Leia they wouldn’t leave anyone stranded here. Everyone thought you were gone, you said your goodbyes to everyone days ago. Chewie and Lando thought it was just the three of us left, and I refused to leave. They were going to force me to go with them, Chewie keeping me here in the ship while Lando calls my dad to let him know they’d be dropping by with some unwanted cargo.”

“What if I didn’t come back? I honestly did not plan on coming back,” Rey admitted. “I wasn’t even aware I had gone back until I found myself outside the base.”

“I just felt something hold me back, I knew I had to stay,” Poe said softly. “I guess you could say it’s an instinct. A feeling,” he murmured, capturing her lips once more in gentle kiss. “The Force brought us together.”

Rey realized he was right, and she marveled with the way things turned out. She came back, without meaning to, perhaps something in her subconsciously propelling her to do so. Where she expected to find a deserted base, she found him staying behind because of a feeling. He stayed without knowing if she will return, or if she will take him back if she did. She returned in response to a feeling, he stayed because he chose to follow an instinct. He was right, the Force brought them together, and even if their minds and circumstances threatened to tear them apart, the Force kept bringing them back together. She could see in his eyes that he believed it. She knows in her heart that she does. 

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can only wish that Poe says those words in this context. And that the past relationship that was hinted between Zorii Bliss and Poe is just that -- a thing of the past, nothing more.
> 
> Thanks to all those who read, left kudos and comments not just for this work, but for all my other works. I apologize for not replying to your wonderful words. There's just not enough hours in the day (or night) for me to spend as much time as I would have wanted writing, posting and acknowledging comments. Please know that my silence does not equate to indifference or ingratitude.


End file.
